Monthly Archives: August 2014

£250 JUNIOR DONATION – THE WINNER IS…

After a week of voting/pestering via Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, carrier pigeon & smoke signals, it’s our pleasure to announce that the winner of the £250 donation, with over 21% of the vote is…

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KEXBOUROUGH CHIEFS U9s!

Please can a club representative get in touch via weststandbogs@gmail.com and we can have a chat about the best way to get you the cash.

Congrats.

VOTE – £250 junior football donation

Now then.

As promised – your chance to vote for your team to have £250 donated to them from WSB. Please share, too. Winner will be announced Monday 25th August.

Also, as a blatant plug, we need your support to continue donating money out to worthwhile causes in our town. You can help by buying a daft magazine here.

Good luck.

From the archive – Cranie Toast – WSB1

We all know Martin Cranie loves toast but we’re not quite sure why. Here, in our debut magazine, he explains.

Hello there.

My name is Martin and I’d like to “talk toast”.

Some football players love the game. Others are all about the fame and money. For me it’s all about the toast, the wholemeal toast and nothing but the toast. So come along for the ride as I take you through the magical, mysterious, wonderful world of toast. With butter. And possibly other things.

I’ve loved toast since I was a small boy back in my hometown of Yeovil. I was always picked on at the Birchfield Community School for the Habitually Dull. My only sanctuary was evenings alone with the endless possibilities of toast. You see, I love toast I do.

The word toast comes from the Latin “tostum”, which means scorch.

Ancient people in Egypt, who were originally from Mars, used to toast bread to preserve it. Which is interesting, isn’t it. Did I ever tell you I once played with Theo Walcott and Gareth Bale? No? We’ll discuss that later, now back to the toast.

Did you know that 88% of homes have a toaster? Amazing, eh.

Toast also rhymes with most, host, boast and host. And post. But mainly host.

My personal toast eating record is 13 slices in just 24 hours. I had 4 with jam, 2 with marmalade, 3 plain, 2 with cheese, 2 with marmite and none with anything else.

My best toast poem is:

Toast, toast, toast
Love you most
Toast, toast, toast
Not with honey

My habit for masturbating with toast on my penis is a shock to some people. Especially when I’m doing it in IKEA.

Let’s talk about Murphy’s Law which states that when you drop a slice of toast it will always land buttered side down. I’ve never tested this, so I can’t really comment.

Toast has been a big part of my life for many years. If in a tricky situation I always ask myself “What would a 1926 original Toastmaster do in this situation?”

During my loan period at QPR in 2007 I went on a killing spree. I murdered 5 women, 2 children and a cat. Without my faith in toast I wouldn’t have come through this sticky patch. The whole “killing thingy”, as I like to call it, was triggered by a slice of French toast. I’m not a religious man, I believe in toastism, but if I was then French toast would be the Devil. It is simply evil and just writing about it makes me want to strangle Trelford Mills.

Anyway – I really love toast. You can’t beat getting up on a Sunday morning and starting a relaxing day with a rack of mixed toasts. I sometimes run a deep bath, put Kool & the Gang on and devour a plate of cheese on toast. Heaven.

Sometimes I burn the toast. Dirty, dirty burnt toast. The dirty burnt bitch. I throw the burnt toast on the bed, remove my robe and roll in the toast until I go off.

Catch me next time when we talk about preserves, German speciality toast and the future of toasting.

If you have any toast stories send them to:                cranietoast@hotmail.co.uk

Stay toasty!

 

#SponsorBigJ-uniorSide – £250 on offer

Nar then.

As some will know, we raised a couple of hundred quid recently in the hope that WSB could sponsor a player at Oakwell. For whatever reason that’s not happened so we’ve decided, with your suggestions, to donate that cash to a local junior side that really needs it. So here’s how it works:

1. Nominate your side by tweeting us, sending us a message on Facebook or emailing weststandbogs@gmail.com by 10pm Sunday 17th August.

2. All nominations will then go to a public vote on Monday 18th. You have until 10pm on Sunday 24th to drum up some interest and vote for toe club.

3. Winner will be announced Monday 25th and they get £250. Easy, eh?

So share, retweet and help us find a club in our Town that really deserves this money. Good luck.

And you reds.